We understand just how daunting the idea of starting dating again can be after the loss of a life partner. Many of us newly widowed won’t have been on a date in many years or even decades. Dating has changed significantly in this time, over 30% of all relationships now start online and by 2035 it is estimated that over 50% of relationships will begin online.
Online dating can be a scary and intimidating experience particularly if you aren’t au fait with the etiquette, acronyms, language and abbreviations used in some of the mainstream or niche dating sites.
Here at Chapter 2, we want to take the fear out of dating and help you take those tentative first steps to move forward. We’ve written this guide with some tips and hints to help keep you safe and help build your confidence.
Starting dating again can bring to the fore a whole range of different thoughts and emotions such as excitement, nerves or anxiety, sadness, fear, guilt, but also crucially and hopefully, joy. We all deserve to find some happiness and a way forward while still remembering and acknowledging what has gone before. Follow these simple tips and hints to stay safe and have a fun dating experience.
Chapter 2 will provide a safe and secure platform to meet and communicate with other widows and widowers. You can exchange messages within the platform without sharing personal data such as your full name, address or email.
Be careful what you share. As an example, you may not want to tell them what your daily routine is, where you work etc. Keep it chatty and casual, talk about interest and hobbies, don’t divulge too much detail initially.
Very often people will choose to move to a phone or WhatsApp conversation by exchanging numbers, please only do this when you feel comfortable and ready to take the next step.
Never, ever share passwords, log in details or credit card information.
At Chapter 2 we want to create the world’s best community, dating and friendship platform dedicated to all who have suffered a loss. We are only as good as our members so we ask everyone to be open, authentic, honest and decent. Please be truthful about who you are and what you are looking for. Please treat others politely and with respect. We’ve all experienced significant loss and pain and may be vulnerable and emotional at times. Please ensure all photographs are recent, are of you, ideally solo (not group shots) and no rude pictures please.
If you do choose to move the conversation off Chapter 2 then be mindful of any photos you choose to send or receive and please if you receive something that makes you uncomfortable then block the sender.
Never ever give or offer money to anyone you meet online. Sadly the internet can be occupied by scammers who will try and exploit vulnerable people extorting cash using sophisticated lies and sob stories.
If anyone asks you for cash, please block and report them so we can remove them from our community.
Once you have been chatting in Chapter 2 it may be a good idea to exchange social media profiles (so you can see that someone is genuine and actually looks like their photos). We highly recommend a phone call or video call ahead of meeting someone in person to help you verify who they are and put you both at ease.
Once you are comfortable, have exchanged messages and ideally had a phone or video call the next (and slightly scary!) step is to meet up. Firstly, relax and take a deep breath! Don’t forget the person you are meeting is probably feeling nervous too.
Always arrange a first meeting in a public place. It is sensible to perhaps first meet for a quick coffee, this relieves any pressure and means if you don’t hit it off you haven’t committed to anything significant – there is nothing worse than having to sit through a meal if the chemistry isn’t there.
It often makes sense to meet soonish rather than spend months messaging as it can help you rule someone in or out. Often people are different in chat / online than in person. Just be cautious.
Always tell a friend where you are going, what time and who with. Text your friend when you arrive and when you leave to let them know you are safe. You may even want to consider using a location app such as Find my Friends or Noonlight so they know your whereabouts.
Always arrive under your own steam. Drive or get a taxi, do not accept a lift until you feel you know and trust someone.
Always think about an exit strategy, if the date or meeting isn’t working out you need to remove yourself from the situation. You could as an example text a friend a code word who then calls with an ‘emergency’ which means you need to leave. Hopefully you won’t need to, but it is better to be safe than sorry.
Trust your gut instinct… if something feels wrong it probably is. If in doubt or if you don’t feel safe block and report.
Stay on Chapter 2 for initial chats, be very wary of anyone who tries to move the conversation instantly to another app to chat. Only share details when you feel comfortable.
Do not click on any links anyone send you and never give passwords, credit card or bank details.
Chapter 2 is a UK based site aimed at people living in the UK, be wary of anyone who claims to be outside the UK, if anyone says they are trapped abroad do not send money and block.
The platform is a safe and secure space which is only open to widows and widowers. We recognise that as widows we can be vulnerable and so the platform has a rigorous sign-up process, all profiles are vetted and users can report any suspicious activity, messages or behaviour. All confidential data is stored securely, you choose what you share on your profile. The safety of our community is paramount.
We wish you every success in your journey to find your Chapter 2. If you want to chat or have any questions – we’ll be happy to help, get in touch: nicky@chapter2dating.co.uk
